College is Humbling

One of the first pictures I took in my dorm. 

For most of my life, I have been told that college is the best few years of your life. I believe it, but it makes me wonder how good it can get. In the first few weeks, you feel like you are on cloud nine. Until the loneliness, FOMO, and anxiety set in.

    After my parents left me in my new home for the next year, I wondered, "What's next?" I still wonder that. Sure, I have a great friend group and support system, but school? My future? What am I supposed to do when I can barely keep my grades up or even tell someone no? Grown-up sh*t. 

    College humbles me. Being in school 24 hours and 7 days a week. It helps me remind myself that I am no better than everyone else. Even though I still think that I am humbled if I act on it. 

    It's humbling because I have caught myself being the person I judged so harshly when I was in high school or even now.

I am now the girl who cries in the library. 

I am now the girl who has no idea what she is doing. 

I used to be that girl, the one who had a plan for her future and everything in between. 

I used to be the girl that knew who she wanted to be. 

I used to have a plan and now, I don't. 

I am trying to teach myself that the unknown is okay. I hate not having a plan. I plan my day-to-day life and maybe the next month. I plan almost everything and not having one is terrifying. 

So, this is for the girls (or guys), who used to have a plan. Who used to be different, look different, act different, and are trying to adjust to the new life they have? Take it slow. 

Crying in the library is okay, just don't be too loud. You are entitled to every feeling you have in this transition. 

Staying home is okay. You don't need to worry about every party or hang out. Even if the FOMO is real trust me, I know. 

Take it slow.

There is plenty of time. Enjoy the moment and don't sweat the small stuff. Life is just beginning. 

I may not be the most reliable person to get advice from, but I am still learning as I go. I feel as if this feeling is going to live here for quite a while.