Being Content

 

March 6th, 2021

    As someone with a crippling retail therapy addiction, I find it hard to be content sometimes. Whether it means being content with my looks, relationship, friends, clothes, or my academics. In a world full of comparison, it is hard to find contentment. 

    I have never felt like I was enough. I rarely feel that the work I put into my classes, relationships, or projects is enough. I feel as if there is always something I can do. Something more. I have gotten better about it as I have grown older. I even got a tattoo of the word, so I would hope so. I get asked about it many times, some make jokes about it like "Oh it's because you've had enough of people or something" and then they proceed to laugh. I get it. I laugh along with them and then wait for my parents to make a face of either concern or question. Now, this is not completely about my tattoo, unless someone wants me to write a whole post of my tattoo (I would more than happy to). This is about the word "enough" or in other words being enough, doing enough, and sometimes having enough. 

A friend of mine said it best to his buddy the day after I got the tattoo:

"It means she's enough and what she does is enough. She doesn't give a shit about what other people think."

I would say the same thing, but maybe less of that language.

    It's moments like these when I am alone and I can't focus. This is when I feel unworthy, lesser than, and discontent. I compare myself to others. 

"She's at a party. That seems like fun. While I am here studying and watching TV."

"He's with his friends and I'm not. Am I missing out?"

    The FOMO is real y'all. I am a type 7 enneagram, so I feel it almost every day. I even feel it right now as I am writing this. 

    Feeling content is hard. I try so hard to make my days purposeful. I try to make sure I can one-up yesterday or someone's Snapchat post from the other night. Once you have a slow day, it all comes crashing down. You start to feel everything you were avoiding those past few days. You feel like nothing. You avoid everything. You scroll through the black hole of social media, making you feel worse. 

    I don't have much advice for this because I am not perfect. I rarely ever claim to be perfect. I struggle with this every day. 

    What I will say is that enjoying the little things in life makes me appreciate where I am at. The walk to class every morning may be cold and dreary, but it's peaceful. You start to notice that the walk to your 9 am class is better when you listen to the birds chirping. 

    Your friends and you are staying in, but you are playing a really fun game.  You can't help but notice that without them, you wouldn't be the person you are now. 

    Despite not being the most fun or spontaneous day, there is still much to be grateful for. Take in the little things in life because you don't know what you might lose.